Monday, 1 May 2017
I just finished reading a lovely lady's blog and it made me think about kindness towards one's self. I'm not very good at that. I like to think I'm a good person but I know I can be very unkind, short tempered, judgmental and impatient. Do those qualities make me a bad person? Or are they just a part of me? Like the compassion I feel for others, my sense of humor and my work ethic? I guess I only want the good stuff and not the bad stuff. Except are those qualities even bad? Again with the judging:)
I still struggle with the fact that I dislike people, even if I have reasons to dislike them. I don't forget when people hurt me or lie to me or stab me in the back. Am I supposed to forgive everything and everyone? I'm not able to hide my feelings. Every single thing I think or feel shows on my face which makes it difficult at times. I try and fail and try and fail to get along with some people.
I think when it comes down to it, I don't trust myself, my feelings or my thoughts. I second guess myself all the time. Is this real? Should I feel like this? Why can't I be easier, less meticulous, more relaxed? And yet I am relaxed at times. I tend to think in black and white, either, or, when life is much more messy and gray and both at times.
I doubt this lovely tulip worries that it is so different from the others around it.